In Search of Tenderheartedness

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The understanding of words is the beginning of understanding what they mean, and definitions have been going through an upheaval these past few years. Inevitably the changing definitions leads to a changing society. In the case of sexuality, what is gender? In the case of abortion, what is life? Or, in the case of Holiness, what does it mean to be tenderhearted? That last question came up in my Bible Study, but it was never answered to my satisfaction. The responses tended to be other questions or anecdotes. Hopefully, the following will satisfy the curiosity of whoever is reading.

The Secular Definition

If you were to ask a non-believer their impression of the word, you would receive two responses. Either they would view it as a negative and a sign of weakness, or – which is more likely – a positive, specifically as an intuitive inclination towards empathy (all the cool kids are empathetic). Both reactions are unsuitable for a Christian. It cannot be negative since the Bible commands us to be tenderhearted, but nor can it be seen exclusively as a positive from a secular point of view. Of course, in a post about definitions, it would be absurd for me not to provide one or two dictionary entries.

“easily moved to love, pity, or sorrow” 

Tenderhearted (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, 2023)

“easily moved by another’s distress; compassionate.”

Tenderhearted (The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition)

This, unfortunately, seems to be the typical interpretation, even within the Church. The characteristics provided in both definitions must be vehemently rejected by Christians. Our calling is not strictly an emotional one. We must be intentional in our walk with God and not easily swayed. To be “easily moved” goes against every teaching in Scripture.

“And there are gathered unto him vain menthe children of Belial, and have strengthened themselves against Rehoboam the son of Solomon, when Rehoboam was young and tenderhearted, and could not withstand them.”

2 Chronicles 13:7 (King James Version)

The ESV translation replaces tenderhearted with “irresolute” and the New King James with “inexperienced.” Whether it is our own sinful desires or opening ourselves up to manipulation and false teachers, if this is what is meant, then I implore every one of you not to be tenderhearted. But the Bible commands that we do be tenderhearted. So what gives?

The definition found in The American Psychological Association (APA) takes a different approach that is closer to a Biblical understanding of not only, “tender-mindedness”1https://dictionary.apa.org/tender-mindedness but also its opposite, “tough-mindedness”2https://dictionary.apa.org/tough-mindedness.

n. a personality trait characterized by intellectualism, idealism, optimism, dogmatism, religiousness, and monism. Compare tough-mindedness. [first described by William James]

Definition of Tender-mindedness (APA)

These descriptors imply a clutching to an example or set of rules which is precisely the calling of all believers. God’s word clearly outlines His will, and we are commanded to follow. Conversely, “toughmindedness” is defined as

1. a personality trait reflecting the extent to which people demonstrate low levels of compassion and high levels of aggression in social interactions. [proposed by Hans Eysenck]

2. a personality trait characterized by empiricism, materialism, skepticism, and fatalism. Compare tender-mindedness. [first described by William James] —tough-minded adj.

definition of “toughmindedness” (APA)

While similar in certain respects, these characteristics still fall short of how I believe Scripture interprets tender and toughmindedness, and heartedness. For instance, in the first entry for toughmindedness, the APA suggests that compassion and aggression are incompatible traits. The line is a blurry one; however aggression in the service of righteousness is not a contradiction. Jesus, arguably the most compassionate individual to have ever lived, was aggressive against the misuse of the Temple when he overturned the tables and used colorful language toward the Priests and Pharisees. Ultimately, the only credible source for understanding what the Bible says is the Bible. It is impossible to define Biblical terms with secular words. My encouragement is not to view virtue through the lens of the world. Understand God’s word and how He reveals human traits throughout Scripture and not just in one instance, but in its entirety and fullness. After all, “context is king” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). If mindedness is how one thinks about issues, then heartedness is our acceptance of them.

The Biblical Definition

Whereas many seem to say that tenderheartedness is to be soft in nature and gentle, it is my intention to argue that tenderheartedness means being stalwart in the righteousness of God.

It is interesting to look at words through their opposite, and the opposite of tenderheartedness is hardheartedness. There are numerous references to people being hard-hearted in the Bible and to God hardening their hearts. In short, this can be described as a rejection of God’s authority – stubbornness. The reverse, then, would be a willingness to accept and follow. One of the commonly quoted verses that use the word “tenderhearted” is Ephesians 4:32.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ, forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJ)

The implication here is a willingness to forgive because God forgave first. Not because “it is the right thing to do” but because “even as God in Christ, forgave you.” The command is to imitate the standard that God laid out for us. In other words, tenderheartedness is an act of being formed. In much the same way, steak is best when it is tender and poorest when it is tough. A tender heart can be molded by God. A hard heart cannot; He must soften it first.

“‘because your heart was tender, and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I spoke against this place and against its inhabitants, that they would become a desolation and a curse, and you tore your clothes and wept before Me, I also have heard you,’ says the Lord”

2 Kings 22:19 (NKJ)

In verse 17 of this passage, the rest of the land has forsaken God. While they were stubborn and hardened in their wicked ways, the king of Judah was humbled, and because of this tender heart, his kingdom was spared.

Conclusion

Tenderheartedness, therefore, is not strength in that it is an act of submission, but nor is it weakness in that we must never compromise, regardless of any earthly or spiritual pressure. If the Old Testament – and our own lives – are any lesson, we are prone to go through phases of obedience and self-service. Tenderheartedness, then, is an action, not a state of being. Nor is it an inherent characteristic. When a person is referred to as being tenderhearted, it is more appropriate to say that they are being tenderhearted, currently, for now.

Sources:

  • 1
    https://dictionary.apa.org/tender-mindedness
  • 2
    https://dictionary.apa.org/tough-mindedness

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